I attended a week long women's retreat "A New You" at the University of Utah the first week in August. Barbara Barrington Jones has been putting on this woman's retreat for 15 years in Hawaii and this is the first time it has ever been held in Utah. I think that they liked it so much in Utah that they are going to keep it close.
It was one of the most amazing weeks of my life. I learned so much about myself. I feel completely refreshed inside and out. My friend Dawn Higley attend the retreat with me and we had so much fun! I didn't know Dawn very well so I was a bit worried about spending an entire week together but we got along beautifully and I just love her so much now!
Upon arriving we were quickly assembled into groups. We had 24 women in our group and two counselors. I kind of felt like I was at girls camp with nightly devotionals with hand-outs and treats. Dawn and I shared a bathroom with Linda and Susan. The toilet when flushed sounded like it was being flushed to middle earth and whenever you turned on the light the fan automatically kicked on. It brought back a lot of memories of the good old college days. Sharing a bathroom with my 5 girls, husband and 1 son is one thing but sharing a bathroom with some strangers is another. Luckily we didn't have too many problem, though they did get up really early (5 a.m.) to shower.
I accidentally forgot my cell phone and I am really glad that I did! My kids couldn't call me about all the trivial stuff but they could reach me on Dawn's cell if needed. Alan survived the week without me and told me he could never go do something like that and stay for a full week. I missed my family but I was so busy I hardly had time to think. I really needed this time for me.
The first day we were introduced to the cafeteria. Not too bad but I couldn't do it day after day. A lot of choices - just not many good choices in my humble opinion. You can only eat so many salads before they too become boring.
The first day we were introduced to Barbara Barrington Jones. She is the most AMAZING person I have ever met. I think that she is in her 70's and she is beautiful inside and out. She has quite the sense of humor and dressed up in different characters (Melwenna was her best!) and cracked jokes and got us laughing every morning. She said that we need to laugh more and see the humor in thing more. She told us on the first day that we were supposed to be at this retreat at this time and that if we pray and open ourselves to the spirit, we will be able to hear what Heavenly Father wants us to know at this time. As I thought back to what had brought me to this retreat I do feel like Heavenly Father had a hand in bringing me here. I gleaned so much from each and every class and devotional. I bawled everyday as the spirit testified to me that what was being spoken was true. I never would have given Barbara's flier a second glance if Alan hadn't given me her book called the "12 gifts of Women" for Christmas last year. I had no idea who she was. I actually set the book aside for a couple of months and picked it up a few months later. I loved it so much! I was going through a rough time and I listened to a CD that was included in the book on a trip down to my parents and the spirit touched my soul and I bawled the whole way! I still had no idea of this retreat until we sent Hannah to a "Be the Best You" camp with her Twin Falls cousins and as a result I got a flier in the mail for "A New You" and I "knew" that I had to go. I put it off for a month because it was a bit expensive and I didn't have anyone to go with but it kept coming back to my mind, so I talked with Alan and said that it would be a great "turning 40" birthday present. So I signed up and got my friend Dawn to go with me and I will be forever grateful that I did.
We attended a morning devotional each day with Barbara and then we had a class before lunch and a class after lunch. After dinner we had nightly speakers and performers.
The first day we had classes on how to dress. I know this sounds funny but it was so interesting! The first class was on fashion and Kris talked about what clothes are suitable for your body type (I am a triangle but hopefully will be a rectangle someday!). Cindy Wakefield talked about what colors look best on you, and your color palette (I am cool). She also talked about the 8 point system of dressing! (You will have to ask me about that one for more details!) That night Julie de' Azevedo came and talked and sang to us. She is a wonderful performer but is a therapist by profession. She talked about how we need to prevent emotional burn-out. She talked about how it is o.k. to feel and express a full range of emotions. When we hold them all is when we blow up and get mad. She said that emotions are really just energy in motion - they are information. She gave us a method to expressing our emotions in a way that won't hurt someone else's feelings. "I feel ______________ (your emotions) when you _____________ (others specific behavior), because I think __________________ (your thought -avoid name calling)." She told us that it is o.k. not to be super woman all the time and it is alright to tell others no. Sometimes we take on more commitments than we can handle and we become overwhelmed and frustrated. She talked about talking responsibility for our own happiness. Women often don't take the time to pursue our own needs. If we depend on others to fill our bucket then we will be disappointed. It is OUR responsibility to develop ourselves. She challenged us to consider bringing back something that brought us joy as a child and to do one thing that we have wanted to do for a long time, something on our "Bucket List". She told us to practice being kind to ourselves. I loved this quote but I don't know who said it, "Lack of faith in oneself is a criticism of one's maker." Would we tell a 5 year old that they were ugly, not good enough or that they are a failure? No, of course not! Then why do we do it to ourselves? OWN THE GOOD STUFF! She sang a few songs that had us all in tears.
The next day was our salon day. We went to "Aveda Salon" in Salt Lake City. We were pampered with a new hair-cut and color if wanted, a hand massage and make-up. It was so much fun and I do have to say I love my new do!
That night Brad Wilcox (former mission president from Chile) spoke to us about true faith. He told us that no matter how bleak our lives may look we need to turn to Christ and let him be the anchor. The atonement gives us the chance to leave the past behind and move forward. He talked about how we are saved by grace after all that WE can do, not all that I can do. The Savior is part of the WE, and he is always there - before, during and after. Satan loves for us to use the words, "if only". If only I was better at being a mom. If only I was more perfect. etc. God is more accepting with the offerer than the offering. We are not called human doings but we are called human beings. I learned so much about the atonement from Brad. It was one of those light bulb moments for me. I know that Christ not only suffered for all of our sins (which is huge) but he suffered for all of our sorrows, our shortcomings, and anything that brings us misery. We feel like we need punish ourselves for our mistakes but we don't have to! Christ already suffered for us! We do not have to stand alone - Christ will stand with us! For some reason this really touch me. I need the Savior in my life because I am not perfect and I need His support and his love daily!
Jessica Clark Funk also came and sang for us and I highly recommend her music if you don't have any! She is a wonderful artist!
The next day our classes focused on organization, time management and etiquette. I learned that I am mostly a green person! Green approaches problems practically, has order, consistency, organized, detailed, firm and finds overlooked flaws. They can be too structured, spend too much time planning, controlling and tends to focus on things verse people. It was interesting to learn about other personality types and what works and doesn't work with that person. Alan is red (in my opinion). He is a talker, spiritual, emotional, and interpersonal. I learned that I need to have more empathy and considerations for his needs. He likes a good attitude and personal relationships. He needs more eye to eye contact. He needs more attention to feelings.
Our next class was taught by Shauna. She talked about how to bring the inner beauty to the outside. She talked about how confidence is a learned trait. Some tips she gave to being more confident in ourselves is: 1-Fake it to make it 2-Learn to laugh at yourself 3-Stop negative self talk 4-Smile and establish eye contact and look approachable (body language). We also learned about etiquette and I learned so much. We will have to have an etiquette night!
That night Chieko Okazaki came and spoke to us! Can I just say that I just love her! She is almost 84 and so energetic, funny and has a personal relationship with the Savior that I want in my life. I hope to be like her when I am 84. I remember when she served on the general relief society board between 90 and 97. I really looked up to her then and even more so now! She talked about how we need to ask Jesus to be with us wherever we go. She says that every morning when she gets up she ask Jesus to take her by the hand and get going. She said that she tells Jesus to get into the car with her but he doesn't need to worry about buckling up. She said to laugh at yourself. That people who laugh often live longer. She also said that we need to embrace change. To push beyond our own fears and study something new. There is no field or endeavor that we can't learn more of. I was so impressed by her and her love for the Savior. She talked about Him as her personal friend. She made me think of the Savior in a whole new way. He can be there with us through-out the day and He can be our personal friend also.
Kenneth Cope also talked and sang to us that night. He is amazing and I love his music so much! He talked about how much God loves us. He loves us more than we can imagine and He sends His commitment to us everyday - we are our Father's children!
Friday was the most amazing day ever. Barbara talked to us about re-entry and trusting. I thought that leaving this retreat was somewhat what it may be like returning from a mission. I felt the spirit so strong throughout the entire week and I so desired to continue to have His spirit with me when I returned home. I wanted to take everything that I learned there and apply it in my life and be better and do better. Barbara talked about prayer and to really listen to what God wants you to do. We need to pray to have His spirit with us. She talked about that if we really listen God will send us to people that only we can help. That we need to listen to those promptings or feelings that we receive and act upon them.
Our first class on Friday was with Darin Knowles and he talked about being motivated. That God wants us to be motivated. How many times have you wanted to say something and didn't? The thoughts that are placed in our heads are not happenstance. He talked about how the more you move your body the more life you live and the more energy you will have. He talked about serving and how Satan wants us to do nothing. He talked about not only serving others but taking the time to serve yourself. Satan often times takes our sacrifices and makes us feel life we are not doing enough or it is not worthy enough. He talked about taking time to recharge ourselves. We are not perfect and if that stops us from doing what we know we should be doing than Satan has us. I realized not only from Darin but from others that I do beat myself up and feel as if I am not good enough but I realize now that Satan wants me to feel that way. He wants me to feel like the things that I do are not enough - that I will never make it - that I am not as good as Sister so and so, that I don't serve enough etc. I have thrown all that self doubt out the window - I will not let Satan win! I know that I am not perfect but the Savior is there to be with me and help in my progression. That change and perfection takes time and is a process, not a destination.
Karen Eccles was our 2nd teacher of the day. She talked about health and fitness. That we should pamper ourselves and get up each day and get ready as if we were going out to lunch. She talked about getting out of our pjs and sweats and dress for success.
She talked about eating healthier. Some tips that she gave were: 1-split meals when eating out. 2-Put dressing on the side. 3-Drink water before your meal. 4-Eat slowly. 5-Put fork down between each bite. 6-Use smaller dishes and 7- Stop eating when you feel full.(duh-h-h but oh so hard!)She also talked about how our attitude is a filter through which an individual sees the world. She said to set aside at least 30 min. each day for yourself, replace negative thoughts with positive ones, keep a gratitude journal, read scriptures daily, and to remember who you are - a daughter of God! She also talked about using the atonement in our lives. Christ suffered for all our pains and afflictions before we did.
That evening as we were headed to our room to get ready for dinner (we had to dress up every night) we ran into Sister Okazaki and we thanked her for her talk and what an impact it had in our lives. She sat there and visited with us for about 45 minutes. She was a school teacher for most of her life and she talked about how she never had any problems because she empowered the kids and if they had conflicts she had them sit in a corner together and say 5 nice things about each other. We knew she was on her way to dinner so we didn't want to keep her so we told her we would see her later. She said for us to hurry up and get dressed and we would go to dinner together. You had thought we were giddy teenagers the way we pranced around and told everyone that we were going to eat with Sister Okazaki! She had us all laughing at the table and I really enjoyed being in her presence. She said that Sister Jack used to kick her under the table as a sign to keep her thoughts to herself. She said a couple of times she went to the meetings where she met with the quorum of the 12, the first presidency and all the other auxiliaries without Sister Jack and she saved them from some mistakes. One time they were passing around the silhouette that they were going to place on the humanitarian boxes. Everybody was just commenting on how wonderful it was expect for Sister Okazaki. When they asked for an approving vote everybody raised their hands except for her. President Monson asked her if she had any concerns. She then told them that the hair on the man looked like a woman's and we didn't want anyone thinking that we endorsed that. President Monson looked at the silhouette and asked for the man's hair to be more distinct. Another time was when they first presented the video on a unwed teenage mother making the decision to have her baby placed for adoption. She said everyone was raving about how wonderful the film was. When the vote was placed everyone raised their hand except Sister Okazaki. They asked her what was wrong with the video and she told them that she didn't like how it was portrayed as just the girl's responsibility. That there was a boy involved too. They changed the film based on her comments. She was just so cute and so funny!
John Lund was the keynote speaker the last night. He talks so fast! You really had to listen closely to get what he was saying. I learned so much from him. He talked about how you can only change expectations over things that you have control over. That the greatest sin is the sin against the atonement and the second greatest sin is not forgiving. (He quoted scripture references for everything). Women are so aware of their weaknesses. We set standards for ourselves greater than what the Lord expects. Heavenly Father is there to help each person become their best self. The Lord's plan is a plan of salvation not damnation. Focus on being a loving person. You can't be a loving person unless you repent. Real repentance is giving your heart to the Lord. Let go of all criticism. When you yell and criticize you drown out the voice of the Lord. We don't have the authority to atone for our sins - Christ did - we can never atone enough for our sins without Christ. He talked about how we cannot change others, only ourselves. That we should take our frustrations to the Lord and focus on being a loving person. He also said that one way for us to overcome our weaknesses is to focus on our strengths.
After the fireside we wrote some things on a piece of paper that we were going to leave behind - old habits, not forgiving, being critical etc. We then each took our papers and one by one crumbled them up and burned them. We were it leave it there and move on. It was very cleansing.
This retreat not only focused on our outer beauty but also our inner beauty and I have discovered this week that I am a beautiful person. For once in my life I feel peace with myself. I am not a perfect person but I know that Heavenly Father loves me very much and is pleased with me. I am so grateful for the atonement and I have realized this week that I would be nothing without it! Christ suffered not only for our sins but also all our sorrows, our shortcomings and our sadness - we don't have too! He already did it and he did it for me and for you! Give it all away to Him - we can NEVER do enough to atone for all of our sins and why do we think that we have to - He already did! Satan wants us to beat ourselves up - that we are not good enough that we are not perfect enough. There is nothing we can do about our yesterdays - we can only change our tomorrows. How grateful I am for that knowledge. Our Heavenly Father loves each of us more than we can possibly imagine and he wants us to return to Him. The way is not that hard - we just make it that way. I also have gained a personal relationship with my elder brother Jesus Christ. He is there for me and for you and I am going to take him with me everywhere I go! I tell everyone that asks me about this retreat to go and find out how great it is for themselves. I know it really can be a life changing experience, it was for me! I also met some amazing women from all over the United States. Dawn and I really connected with Marie Rasmussen from Clearfield, Utah. She is quite the character. Her husband is coordinating the new charter school building in Twin Falls over the next three months and she promises to visit.
When I arrived home the kids had decorated the house with hearts, balloons, flowers and cards. I shed more tears as I hugged each one and shared with them my love for each of them and thanked them for their support in letting me get away for a week. I have a great family and I love them each so very, very much!
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